brown and black coated dog on bed

Dryuary Day 8: Two Sleeps/Systems Check

When I joined MM in June of 2010, I was just looking for a good night’s sleep. Daily heavy drinking had wrecked my sleep patterns, and I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in years. Without fail, I’d wake up at 2:00 am every night with my heart pounding and the anxiety rising. I now know this is the brain’s response to drinking too much. It even has a name: Hangxiety.  After the endorphin dump that alcohol instigates wears off, the brain tries to balance itself with the stress hormone, cortisol. I didn’t care about the mechanics of it, I just wanted some zzz’s.

I had no intention of taking the initial month off from drinking that MM recommended back then. I just didn’t think I could do it. However, I was only a member for a short time before someone talked me into buddying-up with them to complete our first alcohol-free month together. The first four days were misery. Without the aid of alcohol to fall asleep (pass out), I was not waking up in the middle of the night anymore, I wasn’t getting to sleep at all! I was sorely tempted to throw in the towel just to get those measly four hours of sleep I was used to getting. However, I kept reading how everyone else’s sleep improved so I held on. Finally, there came a night when I fell asleep without any aid from alcohol. It was amazing. Until, once again, I awoke at 2 am. 

I was pissed. I was doing everything right. I was abstaining from alcohol. I had established a restful bedtime routine and environment which included a nice long bath, a good book, a calming cup of non-caffeinated tea, soft sheets and the room temp set to 65 degrees Fahrenheit as recommended. Why was I staring at the ceiling, once again, trying to ignore the siren call of the bottle of wine in the fridge? It wasn’t fair.

As I lay there, I noticed something was missing. Yeah, I was frustrated and disappointed, but I wasn’t anxious. Furthermore,  I wasn’t laying there beating myself up because, once again, I had drunk too much and was now reaping my just rewards. The cortisol wasn’t flooding my brain. I may not have been getting any more sleep than when I was drinking but this time it wasn’t my fault.

I picked up my book and started to read. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:30 am. Then, I fell asleep. I was a little sleep deprived the next day but because my REM sleep had not been completely disrupted by alcohol, I felt more rested than I felt when I got more sleep but less quality sleep when I was drinking.

Many years later and my sleep patterns have become more predictable. I now know that if I drink more than 3 standard drinks at a time and if I drink after 7 pm, my sleep will be disrupted. There are still nights when I wake up in the middle of the night after not having drunk at all. The funny thing is, I panic until I remember that I didn’t drink. With this knowledge, I am usually able to roll over and fall right back to sleep. The nights I can’t get back to sleep right away, I have a few established routines that help me relax and fall back to sleep.

  • Read and Rest: After each page I read, I rest my eyes for a count of 20-30 seconds. With my mind focused on this routine instead of getting caught up in that, “I can’t sleep. I need to get to sleep. Please, let me sleep.” spin cycle, eventually, my eyes stay closed after their rest and the book falls from my hands.

  • Audible books. Listening to a book, again, keeps me out of that panic cycle and my brain eventually relaxes back to sleep. These days, it seems like the minute I get my earbuds in, I’m asleep. My brain recognizes the routine and knows what it’s supposed to do. I’ve now been listening to the same book for months because I keep going back to the chapter I started on the night before. Make sure to pick a book with a narrator whose voice doesn’t grate on your nerves.

  • Meditation Apps: Other people often recommend meditation apps, like Calm or Insight Timer. I prefer the relaxing music selections over guided meditations or breath exercises. For me, these take too much concentration and tend to keep me awake. 

Did you know that before artificial lighting, people routinely divided their sleep into two periods which is called Biphasic Sleep? They would go to sleep shortly after the sun went down, sleep for 3 or 4 hours, then get up and tend to the fire or check on the children before returning to their beds. Countries with hot climates, such as Mexico, often closed businesses during the hottest hours of the day and reopened them after dark when it was cooler. Workers took their siestas during the steamy afternoon hours. Still today, in Mexico, many social events don’t begin until 9 pm or later. 

These days, a good night’s sleep is ample incentive to keep me either AF or moderate (MM Guidelines-3 drinks or less for women; 4 drinks or less for men.) Over drinking doesn’t just steal my sleep for a few hours at night, it steals my energy and well-being for the next few days. That extra glass of alcohol just isn’t worth it.

Sleep well, my friends.

Systems Check: 

Time for our weekly systems check. Take time to compare this week’s systems check to last week’s.

Physical: 

Head:

Eyes:

Complexion:

Heart (If it is concerning you, please contact your medical provider.):

Tummy:

Skeleto-Muscular System: Any muscle aches or injuries?

Mental/Emotional:

Sleep:

Energy:

Anxiety:

Outlook:

Share the results of your systems check in the comments below or in the private Dryuary 2025 Facebook group.

by Mary Reid
Moderation Management Executive Director, author of Neighbor Kary May’s Handbook to Happily Drinking Less or Not Drinking At All with the Support on Online Communities, editor/writer of Moderate Drinking Success Stories and Lessons Learned: Tales from the MM Community and Beyond and creator/writer of MM’s Kickstart Moderation Program.


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