Reframing “Let’s Go For A Drink” Friendships
By Anna Charles
At the age of 5 I was friends with James because we lived next door to each other. By 13 my best mate was Samantha as we were in the same class. At 27 I hung out with Carrie when we worked together.
Am I in regular contact with James, Samantha and Carrie today? No. Because the circumstances that anchored our connection (neighbourhood, school, work) are no longer the same. We didn’t reframe our friendships so they died on the vine. And that’s OK.
I bet something similar has happened to you. It’s just one of those things, right? We understand this. We accept it. We don’t do a lot of soul searching, we don’t ask what went wrong, we don’t say things like “I should have been a better friend” and we don’t make it a big deal. Because it isn’t one.
See Dryuary as an opportunity
But when it comes to our friends and alcohol it’s an entirely different conversation.
When we decide to drink differently – even to abstain for just the month of January – we often worry about the impact on our friends. Worry they won’t want to hang out with us, worry they’ll find us boring. Even worry we’ll lose them as friends.
I want to offer an alternative approach for 2024.
Instead of focusing on how hard Dryuary will be, ask how might it reframe, reinvigorate or refresh your friendships? What then?
Treat Dryuary as an experiment
If this unsettles you, that’s understandable. How many times have you said “let’s go for a drink”? These five words underpin so many social interactions no wonder we feel uncertain. What on earth do you do instead of drink?
This Dryuary, be willing to place your doubt to one side and aim for curiosity instead. Ask: ‘I wonder what this will be like?’ instead of ‘I’ll do this even though I know it’s going to be a drag.’ This will make all the difference. Notice that I did NOT say you have to believe this will be THE BEST THING EVER. No. But do give it a chance.
I suggest you turn it into a game. This keeps things light and stops all you perfectionists from seeking the ‘right’ approach. For instance, you could commit to doing something different every time you meet a friend. This doesn’t need to be grandiose or expensive – it just requires a little planning. Here are some suggestions to get you started: meet for breakfast; meet for coffee; go for a walk; do a sport together (even something silly like mini golf); play a board game; read a play together (this is genuinely a hoot if there’s a group of you).
Don’t half-ass this. Go all in. Keep it up for the whole month. Really lean into this being a fantastic opportunity to learn how you can reframe friendships away from alcohol.
Evaluate Dryuary – what did you learn?
As February dawns, evaluate what happened. You may find that some friendships don’t last – and that’s OK. Yes, there may be people who don’t want to hang out with you when you’re not drinking. But you may learn that YOU don’t want to hang out with certain people when you’re not drinking either. And that’s OK too.
Either way you’ll have a clearer view of how you see yourself around alcohol, how to make different decisions and you’ll have a handy rolodex of alternatives to “let’s go for a drink.”
Bio
Anna Charles works with high achievers who struggle to drink a glass of wine without it turning into two bottles. She’s the person they call when they want to take it or leave it. She teaches a simple, doable way to live a full life without worrying what’s in your glass.
Contact: anna@90dayslater.co
Web: 90dayslater.co
Podcast: 90 Days Later with Anna Charles
Facebook: 90dayslater with Anna Charles
Instagram: @90dayslater.co
One response
I love this post! Super helpful. I’d love a list of alternative activities to do with people… I’m not that creative. Ha! Does anyone have something like that?